Firegate: The Big Damn Circle
by Hah and Mer
Summary: The crew of Serenity finds itself in Atlantis. Wacky hijinx ensue. Firefly & Stargate: Atlantis crossover. Updated with Chapter 6!
1. Prologue

**Title:** Firegate: The Big Damn Circle  
**Authors:** Hah and Mer  
**Genre:** General, Action/Adventure, Parody, Crossover, Romance  
**Warnings:** Some coarse language, sexual situations, and some shirtlessness. We promise. Eventually.  
**Season/Spoilers:** SGA: Up to Runner, season two; Firefly: all  
**Summary:** The crew of Serenity finds itself in Atlantis. Wacky hijinx ensue.  
**Disclaimer:** We don't own either show. If we did, Firefly would still be on the air, and more of this kind of stuff would be happening. We're just borrowing the characters for a bit.

**Firegate: The Big Damn Circle**

By Hah and Mer

- _Prologue_ - 

Alarms sounded throughout the Serenity. Captain Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds broke from one of his favorite activities, annoying the ship's Companion, and raced to the bridge where Wash was frantically adjusting buttons and levers, as if doing so would somehow change the gravity of their situation.

(on the bridge)

"We're surrounded by Alliance troops, Captain," the firefly's pilot reported.

"Can you shake 'em?"

"Well, normally, I would say yes, but it seems that we've become quite famous around these parts, and they've sent us a whole welcoming party."

"O, zhe zhen shi ge kuaile de jinzhan," Mal muttered as he reached for the intercom to order his crew to meet him in the cargo bay.

(in the cargo bay)

"What's up, Captain?" Kaylee Frye, the ship's ever cheerful mechanic tilted her head and subtly edged towards the ship's doctor and resident Alliance fugitive Simon Tam.

"We have ourselves a bit of a situation. Dr. Tam and his sister have attracted the attention of a rather sizeable contingency of Alliance vessels. 'Pears we may have just come to the end of our lucky streak, such as it was. Anyone have any 'deas?"

Jayne Cobb, the "muscle" of the Serenity, started to speak, but his voice trailed off as the full team's attention moved to young River Tam, the doctor's sister and the center of the Alliance's search.

"No, the time is all wrong, I tell you!" River said to no one in particular as she headed toward the engine room. "The time is wrong. Must fix the time."

"Meimei, stop," her brother tried to hold her back, but she shrugged him off and moved purposefully away from him.

"Wo de ma, Doctor! What's your feng le sister doing now?" Jayne inquired in his usual tactful manner.

Simon turned to Jayne with a half-desperate, half "how the heck am I supposed to know?" look, as he started after her, "I don't know. Her medication hasn't been working lately. We've been trying to perfect the dosage, but..."

"Cut with the jabbering, and go get your gorram sister!" Mal commanded, but it was too late. River had disappeared into the engine room and blocked off the entrance.

"Ta shi suoyou diyu de biaozi de ma! This is JUST what I DON'T need right now!" Mal exclaimed rubbing his temples with the forefinger and thumb of his right hand.

Kaylee rushed to her engine room – the clanking and crashing sounding to her like a bunch of gorram spacemonkeys. She hadn't heard this much noise in the engine room since, well, since the first day she had met her precious Serenity. Her mind briefly drifted back to that day when she had found herself on her back…Back! She had to get back into the engine room! Right! Thankfully, she knew the alternate routes and quickly made her way to the other door, and when she found that blocked, she headed for the shaft that ran over it.

She opened the hatch, and was horrified to find her pride and joy in shambles. River was in the corner with several pieces of machinery, making some sort of … gadget. Even Kaylee, the expert in all things mechanical, was baffled as to the purpose of … whatever it was. All she knew for sure was that there was NO way Serenity could function long without some of those parts – at least not properly. She jumped down to put the pieces where they belonged, but River stopped her.

"NO! You don't understand! The time is wrong, we have to fix it!" River pushed Kaylee over to the corner and sat her down. Outside, Kaylee could hear Captain Reynolds yelling at her to get Serenity ready to defend herself, and Simon pounding on the door, begging River to come out. Without those pieces that River had taken, Kaylee knew there was no way the former was going to be possible. They were seriously humped.

River took the pieces she had rigged together and headed toward the main body of the engine. Kaylee jumped up, intending to stop River, but River pinned her with an intense glare and continued on her mission.

"River, meimei, if you do that, the ship will…" her words were cut off as an explosion rocked the small vessel. Sparks and smoke flew from the engine, though that was not the source of the explosion, and the two young women were thrown back as the vessel went hurtling forward. Kaylee stared at the engine, wondering how they were being propelled.

"Well, ti wo de pigu," the baffled mechanic murmured.

River turned happily and hugged her sometimes playmate. "The time is fixed!"


	2. An Unfortunate Spacebug

**Firegate: The Big Damn Circle**

By Hah and Mer

- 1. _An Unfortunate Spacebug_ -

(bridge of Serenity)

"Wash, that planet's coming up a might fast, don't you think?" Mal questioned, with only a hint of panic in his voice, as he stared at the cloud formations rapidly approaching them.

"Something's wrong with Serenity's engines, captain, I can't control her... now might be a good time to fasten your seatbelt and scream like a girl."

"Seatbelts cost extra. Might want to hold onto something..." The ship shook violently as it descended. "Ta ma duh!" Panic crept onto Mal's face and he called to his mechanic. "Kaylee, what is going on down here? Was it the spacemonkeys again?"

But she didn't have time to explain that there were, indeed, spacemonkeys in the engine room before the ground came up to greet Serenity like a windshield greets an unfortunate spacebug.

- - - - -

(meanwhile, on the planet's surface)

"I'm getting a strange energy reading coming from..."

"McKay, when are you _not_ getting a strange energy reading?" Sheppard rolled his eyes.

"...up there." McKay continued, oblivious, and pointed to the sky.

Sheppard followed McKay's pointing finger in time to see an object blaze through the sky, skim the top of the trees, and crash some distance away.

"Ha!" gloated McKay, and Shep shot him a look that said we won't be seeing any slash in this particular chapter.

"Alright, everyone head back to the jumper," Shep spoke into his radio "we're going to check out that crashed… something."

- - - - -

(close-up on Mal's purty eyes as they open)

Mal woke up in the smoke-filled bridge as sparks, steam and clichés exploded from various consoles. He lifted his head up and saw his pilot coincidentally waking up at the very same moment. He groaned.

"Tah mah duh hwoon dahn... Wash, did you crash my gorram ship?"

"I was hoping you hadn't noticed..."

"Better go check on my crew. You head to the engine room and I'll check their quarters."

Mal discovered his crew miraculously escaped any serious injuries, save for Book whose leg was injured when he was mauled by plot bunnies. Jayne shed a tear of relief to find his precious Vera was undamaged. Wash found Kaylee safe, but the vicious spacemonkeys did a number on Serenity's engine.

Zoe turned to Mal "Any idea where we might be, sir?"

"Not a clue. I'm thinking you, me and Jayne should take a look outside and get our bearings, while the rest stay behind to tend to the injured."

"Sounds like a plan, sir."

- - - - -

(jumper approaches and lands by the crash site, smoke billowing from poor Serenity)

Hidden behind some bushes, Sheppard peered at the crashed ship through binoculars. McKay, Ronon and Teyla crouched down beside him. He watched as three figures kicked open a hatch and climbed from the wreckage of the ship.

"They look human enough. Not a Wraith ship, that's for sure."

"Looks like a giant bug" snarked McKay.

"I thought we weren't going to mention bugs, ever again?" Shep snarled, and changed the subject. "Let's go see if those people need our help."

Shep slowly got up and raised his P90, as a thousand fangirls swooned, and cautiously strutted towards the ship while signaling the rest of his team to follow his lead.

"Do we have to strut too?" McKay whined, as Ronon shot him his usual glare of doom.

- - - - -

Mal glanced at his surroundings. He was sure he'd never been to this place before, but something about the trees seemed awfully familiar.

"Hey Mal? I think I see someone moving in the bushes" Jayne whispered as he gripped Vera more tightly.

"Alliance? Fangirls? Who is it?" Zoe questioned, raising her gun.

Jayne aimed Vera at the motion in the trees...

- - - - -

"Sheppard!" Ronon whispered harshly, "those survivors have weapons aimed in our direction. Very large weapons. We have to defend ourselves!"

"Hold your fire. We don't know who they are ye-"

His sentence was interrupted by a bullet shattering a tree branch inches from his head. Ronon leapt into action and fired in the direction the shot came from.

"Woah woah woah!" shouted Shep, as Teyla moved to stop Ronon. "We're not looking for a fight!" He called out to the strangers, "if we could just put down the guns and talk like civilized people-"

"Ain't no civilized people this far out" Mal countered. "Identify yourselves. You Alliance purple bellies?"

McKay turned to Shep "What did he just call us?"

Shep emerged from the dense trees, weapon still cautiously raised. "Colonel John Sheppard, US Air Force. And you are?"

"I told you they was Alliance! Can we get on with the shooting already?"

Mal glared. "Take it easy, Jayne. They don't look like no Alliance officers I ever seen." He stepped forward.

"The name's Malcolm Reynolds, and this here's my crew, part of them anyway. And that's my ship Serenity, or what's left of her." He gestured at the wreckage behind him.

The rest of Shep's team took up position beside him, facing down the Serenity crew. Ronon stood directly in front of Jayne, staring him down. They eyed each other's weapons. Then they eyed each other's guns.

"That's a mighty fine piece you have there" said Jayne to the dredlocked stranger.

"Likewise" Ronon replied, to the large ape-like man.

"Does she have a name?"

"What?" Ronon looked confused.

The staring contest continued.

"Do you folks need any help? Medical assistance?" Shep asked.

"We've got a doc, but Serenity here is pretty badly damaged. More than we can fix with our supplies, in any case."

"Maybe we can help you out, if we could all just put down the guns..."

Shep slowly lowered his P90, and his team followed suit, Ronon most reluctantly. Mal gave a signal to his crew to do likewise. Then a glare at Jayne. Then a few cuss words in Mandarin. Jayne finally obliged.

"Good!" said Shep, as he flashed a charming grin. He turned to his team to make introductions. "This is Teyla, Ronon, and Dr. McKay. We're from a city called Atlantis, on another world."

"Never heard of it," muttered Jayne.

Mal spoke up. "This is Zoe, my first mate, and this is Jayne…uhh…public relations. We have more folks inside the boat, and one man needs immediate medical attention, but our infirmary is more likely to injure someone in its current state."

"We can take you back to Atlantis," Shep offered, "and get your crew any kind of medical attention they need. And then maybe see about fixing your ship."

Mal considered the offer carefully. He wasn't in the habit of trusting strangers with his own life or his crew's, but there was something in this man's eyes that felt trustworthy enough.

Jayne leaned over to Mal and whispered, "if there's more like her where they come from, I'm all for it," and made a rather rude gesture at Teyla.

Mal smiled. "Zoe, go on and get the rest of the crew. We're going to visit this city of Atlantis."

- - - - -

Shep's team and the entire Serenity crew made their way back to where he had skillfully parallel parked the Puddlejumper. Shep glanced behind him at the woman who had been introduced to him as Inara, an ambassador. Her elaborate dress looked inappropriate for both walking through the forest and for space travel, though she seemed perfectly at ease. Her beauty more exotic than Teyla and her grace more refined than Elizabeth. Her body… woah woah, stop staring at her body! He snapped his head back around while narrowly missing smacking himself into a large tree.

Mal glared.

Wash helped Book along with his injured leg, and he damned those plot bunnies to a Special Hell. Simon and River walked together, close by.

Teyla and Kaylee made cheerful conversation about cheerful things, like how cute Shep's butt looked when he walked, and why his ears were so pointy.

McKay tried and failed to make small talk. "So… Jayne… isn't that a girl's name?"

Fortunately for McKay, Ronon had very fast reflexes, or he might have been short a few limbs after that.

- - - - -

"Here we are," said Shep, as they arrived in the clearing.

"Huh? I don't see nothin." Jayne returned to his usual state of confusion.

Shep hit the button on his remote and the jumper uncloaked in front of them.

"Woah," said Mal.

"Woah," said Wash.

"Shiny!" said Kaylee.

"Ours is bigger," said Jayne.

"This is what we call the Puddlejumper," explained Shep. "It goes through the Stargate back to our world."

"The what?" Mal asked.

Sheppard explained the big round thing and gestured with his arms, but the Serenity crew still looked confused. They had never heard of a Stargate, by any name.

"Oh, you're going to love this!" Shep grinned.

- - - - -

(Inside the jumper. Shep flies, McKay rides shotgun, Mal and Zoe sit behind them, while Ronon and Teyla keep an eye on the crew packed into the back)

Sheppard flew towards the Stargate and pointed it out in the distance.

"We're flying through that?" asked Mal. "How does it work?"

McKay piped up, "It's simple. We're going to travel through the event horizon, be demolecularized, transmitted through the wormhole, and then rematerialize on the other side."

"Demo-wha? ..WHAT? That don't sound like a good ide-"

With a sploosh, the jumper dove through the Big Damn Circle, into the Stargate's puddle.

"I think I'm going to be sick" groaned Jayne.

"Again!" River cheered.

"Wuh de ma! That was some ruttin' ride!" exclaimed Mal. "That how you always travel, Sheppard?"

"Usually. The jumper can't get too far without using the Stargate."

"Almost seems like cheating to me. The journey can be the best part… well, when you got a boat like Serenity to take you." Mal thought about his damaged ship and his expression darkened.

"Hey, we'll get your ship fixed up, don't worry. Dr. McKay here can fix anything."

"That's what I say about my girl Kaylee" Mal gestured to her in the back of the jumper.

Shep looked over and noticed she was staring at him. He caught her eyes for a moment and she smiled sweetly, then looked away. He really hoped they wouldn't fix the ship too quickly.


	3. Time Snare & Death Glares

**Title:** Firegate: The Big Damn Circle  
**Authors:** Hah and Mer  
**Genre:** General, Action/Adventure, Parody, Crossover, Romance  
**Warnings:** Some coarse language, sexual situations, and general misbehavin'.  
**Season/Spoilers:** SGA: Up to Runner, season two; Firefly: all  
**Summary:** The crew of Serenity finds itself in Atlantis. Wacky hijinx ensue.  
**Disclaimer:** We don't own either show. If we did, Firefly would still be on the air, and more of this kind of stuff would be happening. We're just borrowing the characters for a bit.

**AN: **Thanks to everyone who gave us such shiny reviews! You've inspired us. Chapter 3 will be up as soon as our beta gets done with it (cue Mer with whip).

**Firegate: The Big Damn Circle**

By Hah and Mer

- 2. _Time Snare & Death Glares_ -

When the group arrived back on Atlantis, Dr. Elizabeth Weir, the commander of the Atlantis expedition, was there to meet them, accompanied by a full security detail. Col. Sheppard's cryptic "We have company" did nothing to inspire her confidence. She watched suspiciously as the ragtag bunch made their way out of the puddlejumper. First came Col. Sheppard, followed closely by a young girl, probably mid-20's with light brown hair, who was obviously incredibly enamored with the good Colonel.

"Kaylee, this is Dr. Elizabeth Weir, my boss. Elizabeth, this is Kaylee Frye, ship's mechanic aboard the Serenity." The smile he gave Elizabeth reminded her of a child asking "she followed me home; can I keep her?" Inwardly, she rolled her eyes as the introductions continued.

"This is Captain Mal Reynolds; Mal, Elizabeth Weir." This time it was Elizabeth's turn to ogle. Hey, if they were taking in strays… Suddenly, she wished that there was a room shortage, so she could offer her hospitality. Only as a professional courtesy, of course…commanding officer to commanding officer.

"Captain Reynolds," she greeted him with a warm two-handed handshake, which lasted longer than necessary and caused Shep to raise his eyebrow, "if you don't mind, I'd like the chance to meet with you and your crew briefly, just so we can … get to know each other better, see how we can help you." Mal nodded in agreement, returning her appreciative gaze. "Colonel Sheppard," she continued, half-turning to John while still keeping her eyes on Mal, "you and your team are welcome to join us."

"Thank you, Elizabeth," he replied, eyebrow still raised, "I think that would be an excellent idea." Completely weirded out, he re-focused his attention on his newest fangirl, thinking of a place where he could take her to show her the sights of the city, and maybe show off a bit of that Ancient gene.

"This here is Dr. Simon Tam, our ship's doctor; his sister River; and Shepherd Book." Mal continued the introductions. "The Shepherd here is the one who was injured," he paused briefly. "Of course, you probably figured that, seeing as how he's here on this stretcher with his leg all bandaged up." Wo de ma! Could he be any more of a shagua? He'd been around a lot of women in his day, but it had been a long time since one of them had turned him into a babbling mess.

"Ah, yes, of course," Elizabeth responded, gesturing to three of the soldiers behind her. "Please take our guests to see Dr. Beckett." Two of the men grabbed the stretcher, and the entourage made its way toward the infirmary.

"And lastly, this is our pilot, Wash; my first mate and Wash's wife, Zoe; and our ship's ambassador, Inara." As Mal completed the introductions, Elizabeth shook each hand and smiled.

Finally, she turned to address the entire Serenity crew, "Welcome to Atlantis, everyone. Please make yourselves at home. We're preparing guest quarters for all of you, which should be ready within the hour. Meanwhile, I'd like to invite you all to our briefing room for a short introduction meeting."

As the group moved towards the briefing room, Kaylee whispered to Shep, "So, do you guys do _de_-briefings in the briefing room as well?"

Her forwardness made him blush slightly, his sheepish grin causing her to melt into a puddle, but he recovered quickly. "Well, the room does have a lot of uses, but I don't think that's been one of them…yet."

(A few feet, and a full gutter, away)

Elizabeth approached Inara and extended her hand, "Hi. Your name is … Inara, right?"

"Yes, Dr. Weir. Thank you so much for allowing us to enjoy your hospitality."

"It's really no trouble at all. We intergalactic refugees have to stick together. Capt. Reynolds said you were an ambassador?"

"Yes, he said that."

"I used to be an ambassador of sorts on our home planet as well."

Mal, who had been eavesdropping on the conversation, heard Elizabeth's comment and immediately pictured Elizabeth "negotiating" in one of Inara's outfits and wondered if Inara might bend her rule regarding servicing crewmembers if Elizabeth joined them. He couldn't help interrupting, "She's the ship's whore."

Shep & McKay's heads whipped around to where the CO's were standing and a hush fell over the group. The shocked look on Shep's face quickly turned to a smug one a moment later as he turned to where Rodney was standing just a few feet away and snarked in a low voice, "Hey, you might actually have a shot at some action now." Elizabeth gave him a death glare.

"Tian xiao de, Mal," Inara responded in a harsh whisper, casting an icy glance at the Captain, as the surrounding conversations slowly began to revive, "Bi zui."

"Now that's not very civilized speech for a well-bred lady like yourself," Mal feigned shock.

Inara only smiled sweetly, and said, "Hundan," before resuming her conversation with Elizabeth, who had been watching the interaction between the two with great amusement. "I am a registered Companion."

"A Companion? Registered with whom?"

Inara and Mal (who was still aimin' to misbehave) shared a significant glance. First, these people didn't know who the Alliance was, and now they didn't know about the Guild. This introduction meeting could be very interesting indeed. Inara was the first to speak.

"Um… it sounds like we have a lot to discuss."

(briefing room)

The two crews filed into the room, then broke back up into their smaller groups. Jayne and Dex – who were still discussing weapons and whether or not size really mattered – strutted to the back of the room, followed closely by Teyla. She was thinking that they needed to stop talking about the size of their weapons and discuss something more practical - like how to use them. Zoe, Wash, and Rodney followed behind them, the two men doing their darnedest to decide which one of them was the reigning King of Pithy Comebacks, their only judgment being rendered by the roll of Zoe's eyes. Next came Shep and Kaylee, who, if she was his shadow, would indicate that the sun was high overhead. As they sat down, she only wrapped herself around his arm, but did so in a fashion which indicated her intent to be wrapped around more fully by the end of the day. Bringing up the rear were the two CO's and Inara, who had only scratched the surface of the significance of the presence of the Serenity crew in the City of the Ancients.

Elizabeth cleared her throat and began the meeting, "I'd like to welcome all of our guests once again. It seems from speaking with your Captain that we have some serious questions to answer.

"First of all, you are in the City of Atlantis – a city built by a race of advanced humans over 10,000 years ago. Our expedition is from a planet called Earth. We…"

"Earth?" interrupted Wash. "You've got to be kidding! Nobody's lived on Earth in decades. Besides, Earth is millions of light years away."

Elizabeth smiled, "I was just getting there. We arrived here through a gate similar to the one you rode through to get here. Probably more significant though, is the year. It's currently the year 2006."

She hadn't thought it was possible for the Serenity crew's jaws to get any lower, but with this new realization, Elizabeth was quite sure they must've simultaneously unhinged, and wondered how she was going to explain this to Carson. The Atlantis team's faces were as puzzled as the Serenity crews' were shocked as she explained the significance to her own team, "It seems that our new guests aren't just from another place, but they're also from another time."

Rodney's interest was immediately piqued, and he began rambling technobabble that, despite the rest of the group's awe over the situation, very nearly put them to sleep, until …

"I told you the time was fixed," River burst into the room, Simon following close behind.

Rodney gave her his infamous look of exasperation, and exclaimed, "Now just what is THAT supposed to mean?"

River rolled her eyes in his general direction, "Oh, you of little brains…"

Everyone stifled laughs except for Rodney, who was so shocked by the nerve of this girl who was obviously a symbol short of a gate address, that all he could do was stare at her with his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. Finally, he was able to sputter, "I'll have you know that…"

"The time was broken. Serenity was going to fall. I made the net. It's fixed now," River stated matter of factly, ignoring Rodney's stammering.

"Wait. You mean you did this?" The intrigue momentarily distracted Rodney from his bruised ego. "What did you do to that ship?"

Again, River was unable to hide her disdain at his inability to comprehend, "Yuben de…"

"River, meimei," Simon gently warned her, "These people have been very gracious to help us out."

"Yes, oh pianzhi de jiu chayuan," she responded, unable to disguise her condescension.

Shep finally piped up, "So, what is that she's speaking? I've noticed you all break in to this other language from time to time. Sounds like some Asian something."

Elizabeth replied, "It's Chinese… Mandarin, if I'm not mistaken." Shep's eyebrow went up. "What? I speak six languages, including Ancient… I may not be Daniel Jackson, but I can hold my own."

"You mean you don't all speak Chinese?" Mal looked puzzled.

Elizabeth was fascinated. "Why don't you tell us more about your time? Maybe it will help us figure out what happened."

Inara, educated at the Guild's elite schools, began the brief history lesson as though she were quoting from a script, "After the Earth was used up, we found a new solar system and hundreds of new Earths were terra formed and colonized. The central planets formed the Alliance and decided all the planets had to join under their rule. There was some disagreement on that point. After the War, many of the Independents who had fought and lost drifted to the edges of the system, far from Alliance control."

Mal continued, "Me and Zoe, we fought together for the Independents. After we lost the war, I bought the Serenity, hired me the best crew in the 'verse, and we do odd jobs."

"And don't forget the part where we harbor fugitives!" Jayne snarked. Mal pinned him with a dagger glare.

Elizabeth's eyebrow shot up. She had her idea as to who the fugitive was, but the fact that he was the one who had spoken up left her a little puzzled. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously as she cast a glance around the room. When her gaze fell on Simon, she noticed his face was about 3 shades of red. Surely not the sweet, handsome doctor! She couldn't picture him as the prison type. What would they do with a pretty man like him in prison? As she pondered those mental images, her eyebrow slowly raised and a mischievous smile spread across her face. Apparently she could picture him as the prison type.

Not liking the way Elizabeth was looking at his ship's doctor, Mal broke in. "River, his sister, was being held at an Alliance facility. He broke her out. Now every purple belly this side of the Core is huntin' 'em down. 'Fact, they had us surrounded when River did… whatever... it was… that she did."

Simon, still blushing from Jayne's comment and Dr. Weir's subsequent ogling, caught River's expression at Mal's comment and quickly pulled her closer to him, "Shh, meimei, dong ma?"

"Jing chang meiyong de," she muttered.

"River," he whispered in firm, gentle tones, "Dong ma?"

"Yes, Simon," she pouted, muttering further insults in Chinese as she turned away.

Kaylee's mind momentarily wandered from the hotness that was next to her to the man across the room scolding his sister long enough to think, "Boy, I wish he would punish me…" Of course, her next thought as she turned her drooling back to the man on whose lap she was practically sitting was, "He's got a pretty big weapon… bet he knows how to use it."

Looking around the room, Dr. Weir could tell that they had hit a brick wall as far as the team's attention span was concerned. Kaylee looked as if she was ready to jump Shep right then and there, regardless of the group's presence. River had finished her pouting and was now softly singing something about two blue hands or something, while Simon nervously watched out of the corner of his eye. Jayne & Ronon were swapping weapons and Teyla was observing with a predatorial eye. Even McKay was preoccupied with trying to figure out how in Pegasus their situation was even possible. In the whole room, it appeared that only Zoe & Wash were even trying to pay attention, but even Wash was starting to fall asleep against his wife's shoulder.

"Alright, everyone! I don't want to keep you any longer. Serenity crew, your rooms are ready. I'll have Maj. Lorne escort you there." She ran through the expedition's daily meal and activity schedule, then ended, "If you need anything," she glanced at Mal, "or just want a tour of the City," she looked back out at the crew," just let one of us know, and we would be more than happy to accommodate you. Thank you for your time, and enjoy your stay here in Atlantis!"


	4. The Grand Tour

AN: Thanks again for all the lovely reviews :D We luff them!

Psycho-WarBaby – love the idea about Jayne and McKay! Here's a link to the source of our Mandarin translations: fireflychinese.home.att (dot) net (we meant to link that earlier, thanks for the reminder!)

Porthos1013 – "Define interesting" ;)

Just another little note – at the time this chapter and previous chapters were written, we hadn't seen the movie (any similarities are purely coincidence :P ). Now that we have… once we've recovered, we'll keep writing this as if it were a prequel (for obvious reasons), so there won't be any movie spoilers.

(Don't kill us, we ARE big Simon/Kaylee shippers. They even melt Mer's cold, cold, anti-ship heart)

**Firegate: The Big Damn Circle**

By Hah and Mer

- 3. _The Grand Tour_ -

Kaylee thanked Maj. Lorne after he'd escorted her to her room, and immediately skipped over to Inara's room next door and flopped herself down on the bed.

"Do you think all the men here are that pretty?" she sighed. "You know, you could do great business here" Kaylee grinned mischievously.

"I may have to consider it." Inara grinned back. "Come here, let me do your hair so you can impress that cute Colonel you were swooning over… although it's probably his hair I should be brushing…"

"Hey, I think it's cute! You just want to run your hands through it and…" she lost her capacity for speech as her mind listed all the other parts of Shep's body she wanted to run her hands over.

"Careful, mei mei, you're going to drool all over my bed."

"I am not!-" She was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Come in," Inara invited.

The door swished open, and there stood Col. Sheppard in his favorite tight black t-shirt. He too momentarily lost the capacity for speech when he saw the two women sitting so close together on the bed, but quickly recovered with a charming grin.

"Ladies."

"Uh..hi…uh" Kaylee stammered. "We were just doing…hair…wow…hair."

"What she means to say is hello," Inara offered.

"Would either of you be interested in a tour of the city?"

"That sounds delightful" said Inara.

"I'd love to!" replied Kaylee, as she undressed Shep in her mind.

The tour began as Simon and his sister stayed behind to attend to Book, and Zoe and Wash decided they'd rather have a private tour of their room. Shep thought he'd have the women to himself, when Mal crashed his party by agreeing to come along as well. Jayne tagged along in the hopes of seeing that mysterious golden-hair woman again.

They stopped briefly in the gateroom to watch a team depart, and then went on to the infirmary to check on Book. Kaylee and Inara enjoyed the sights, while Jayne ignored the sights and enjoyed the women. Mal followed watchfully, making sure that colonel who was a bit too charming didn't have _his_ sight on Inara.

The cleanliness and technology of the city of Atlantis reminded Mal of the Alliance-controlled central planets, but it didn't give him that feeling of… uncomfortableness. He decided this place had a rightness to it, like the feeling he got when he first set foot aboard Serenity.

As they emerged onto a balcony with one of the best views of the city, there were gasps of awe.

"I haven't seen anything this beautiful since I left my home world, Sihnon," said Inara as the overlooked the city sparkling in the sunlight.

"Shiny…" said Kaylee.

"And your team are the only ones living here?" questioned Mal.

"That's right," replied Shep. "Most of the city we haven't even been able to explore yet."

Jayne, meanwhile, was more enamored with the large railgun that still remained from their last fight with the Wraith.

"Hey, Mal! I've gotta get me one of these. Vera would be jealous." Jayne pretended to fire the gun, complete with sound effects. Inara rolled her eyes.

Shep grinned. "One of those will tear right through a Wraith dart."

"Come again?"

"Oh…I, uh, forgot no one had mentioned them" …so you wouldn't be scared away, he thought to himself.

Shep gave them the brief course of Wraith 101, from their awakening to the last battle and feigned destruction of the city.

"They used to be humans, or near enough to humans, then they mutated…" Shep paused as he shuddered from the memories.

"We call 'em Reavers," said Mal. "Men who spent too long on the edge of space… and now, they ain't men anymore."

"They can suck the life out of you with their hand." Shep illustrated by holding his hand out.

"Woah… uh, ours don't do that."

"Don't worry, I'm sure they won't show up again here any time soon." Shep smiled and tried to lighten the mood.

He knew just what would cheer them up.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

(mess hall)

"…And this is where we have our meals."

Kaylee perked up. "Ooh, is there a buffet?"

"Well, I guess you could call it that… Anyways, you must all be hungry, shall we get something to eat?"

The group got their trays of food and grabbed a table.

"Sorry, it's probably not what you're used to" Shep apologized.

"Yeah," said Jayne with his mouth full, as he stuffed his face, "tastes like real food."

Kaylee giggled as she played with a strange blue substance, and brushed her leg against Shep's under the table.

"We call that jello." He grinned and offered her his cup.

"It's so…wiggly." _…tzao gao, was this the best that she could do?_

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

After they'd had their fill of jello, the next stop on the tour was the gym. Teyla and Ronon were sparring, and didn't pause as the visitors filed into the room.

"Mind if we hang around for a minute?" Shep asked.

"Not at all," replied Teyla, as she threw Ronon onto the floor.

Jayne was mesmerized by her graceful, fluid motions, her fighting skills, and her combat bikini (mostly the latter). He'd never seen fighting like this before.

He leaned over to Mal, "what's up with the sticks? Shouldn't they, uh, be practicin' guns or somethin'?"

Unfortunately for him, Teyla had overheard his comment. She poked a stick at his chest.

"These 'sticks' are Athosian bantos rods, and it is not just for the skill with the rods that we practice. It is an exercise in speed, strength and agility, and a way to channel our physical energy."

Jayne's brain, as it usually did, picked and chose the words it wanted to hear and ignored the rest.

"I can think of a better way to channel our physical energy," he smirked. "I'll show you my skill with the rod."

"As you wish," she replied, and thrust two spare fighting sticks into his hands.

"Whuh?"

_(AN: Athosian bantos rods will henceforth be referred to as sticks, because the author cannot type about rods with a straight face.)_

Kaylee and Inara giggled together. This was going to be…interesting.

Teyla toyed with him for a while, easily deflecting his crude swings. Then she went in for the kill, striking him a few times before pinning him to the ground. She straddled him and held a stick to his throat: He was at her mercy. And he liked it. A little too much.

"Looks like you've met your match," said Mal, laughing.

The tour group decided they'd better get moving before Jayne started getting poetical…

"You staying?" Mal asked the still-straddled Jayne.

"Yuh-huh."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Shep decided they'd had enough wacky fun for one day, and walked the guests back to their quarters. After everyone else had settled in, Kaylee still tagged along with Shep, asking silly questions and finding any excuse to spend more time with her new favorite boytoy.

"Col. Sheppard, this is Dr. Weir," Shep tapped a finger on his earpiece. "Just thought you'd like to know the Daedalus is preparing to land on the East pier."

"Thanks, I'll be right there."

He turned to Kaylee. "I'm sorry, I have to-"

"What's the Daedalus?" she asked, not willing to let him go this easily.

"It's our ship… that's how we get back from Earth."

Kaylee's smile switched to hi-beams. "You have a ship? A spaceship? Can I see it?"

Shep decided saying no to that smile would be a crime, and began concocting ways to sneak her on board without that damned Col. Hardass…err…Caldwell noticing.

"I think I can arrange that," he said with a grin.

"D'ya think we could take a look at the engine room?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - -


	5. Who's Your Daeddy?

AN: Thanks again for all the shiny reviews! Wow, we never expected such a great response :D Keeps the bunnies fed ;)

Special thanks to our lovely and talented beta Em, and her betta fish… who won't tell us his name so we'll just call him Steve.

(Don't worry folks, I have a feeling we'll be hearing from Simon, River, McKay and others soon. Apologies in advance for the title :P )

**Firegate: The Big Damn Circle**

By Hah and Mer

- 4. _Who's Your Daeddy?_ -

"The engine room?" John was a bit confused. _Well, she is a mechanic after all. I guess it's only natural she would want to see the engine._ He flashed her one of his infamous flyboy smiles "Sure. We can see whatever you want. But there's something we've gotta do first." Seeing the mischievous glint in his eye, she knew this was gonna be shiny.

"Of course, my Colonel. Lead the way!"

They continued toward the East Pier, making a quick stop at one of the supply rooms. He explained his idea…

- - - - - - - - - - - -

When Kaylee emerged from the storage locker, she no longer looked like Serenity's tomboyish young mechanic. In her place was the cheerful Lt. Frye, ready to follow her CO's every command. _Oh, would she ever…_

"Lt. Kaylee Frye, reporting as ordered, sir." She stood up straight and stuck her chest out, which did not go unnoticed.

Shep admired his newest recruit. "You certainly are…um… reporting. You look very.. official." _Official? Pull it together, man…_

Kaylee started to pout.

"What I mean to say is… you look lovely." He smiled_. Yep, if words fail, just flash that smile…_

That smile…the one that made Kaylee weak at the knees. She stared into his gorgeous green eyes and saw that he was being truthsome.

"Aren't you sweet, John… you don't mind if I call you John, do you?… 'Cause we already got one Shepherd and I'm pretty sure a preacher would be callin' these thoughts I'm havin' awfully sinful…" _Ai ya, she always started babbling like this… could they just get to the taking off of clothes already?_

"Please do. Uh, call me John, that is. Here, come with me, let's see about getting you aboard the Daedalus."

They arrived at the East pier and saw the towering ship, its mass dwarfing the figures moving crates to and from the loading bays. Kaylee stood in awe.

"It's huge!"

"It gets the job done." Shep grinned.

"We'll see," she replied, and gave him a cheeky look while they continued walking towards the ship.

Shep's plan worked brilliantly. Now that the Daedalus traveled regularly between Atlantis and Earth, no one noticed a new face, or a lieutenant who was a little more cheerful than she ought to be.

"So what do you think so far?" Shep asked, after they'd walked through the corridors for a while.

"It looks very…um… functional. Could use some pretties, you know, to make it more personal-like…maybe some paint…"

Shep grinned while he imagined Caldwell's reaction to Kaylee's prettified version of the ship.

"Sounds good to me."

"So, the engine room…?"

"Right this way. I just have to make one quick stop first."

They came to the door of a storage room, and Shep asked Kaylee to wait for him while he went inside. He emerged a few minutes later with a small plastic container.

"What's that?"

"It's a surprise," said Shep, with that gleam in his eye.

"Shiny! I love surprises." Her mind wandered through all manner of possible contents of the box, each more naughty than the last.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"This is it," said Shep, and gestured at the large room with his arm.

It wasn't anything like the engine room Kaylee was used to. Where were the wires hanging out? The spare parts? In fact… where was the gorram engine? But still… even though it felt alien, it had the familiar hum of an engine that was well cared for. She was no Serenity, but she was a good ship.

"You see, uh, we have two different types of engines, the interstellar hyperdrive, for flying between stars, and the intergalactic hyperdrive, which we use…"

For once, the engine was only Kaylee's secondary interest. Ever since she'd met John she'd felt drawn to him, and not just for his obvious good looks. Oh, but they _were_ good… She glanced at his muscular shoulders and chest, moved her eyes down his long, lean form, and lingered somewhere below his slanty belt. For a brief moment she thought about Simon, and wondered if she'd regret this. She looked back into his eyes and decided that no, John Sheppard was not a man one regretted being with.

Kaylee tried to listen to him babble on, but she was more captivated by the way his luscious lips formed each word. This led to imagining her own lips pressed against his, and when she couldn't take it any more she leaned in and kissed him 'til he stopped talking. She pulled away and noticed John looked a bit shocked.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have…" Kaylee felt her cheeks grow hot with embarrassment. "Did you.. not enjoy it? I..uh.."

It was John's turn to interrupt. He took her head in both hands and kissed her passionately, and she wrapped her arms around him and pulled herself in close to his warm body. She noticed he was _definitely_ enjoying himself this time.

John tossed his jacket aside as they made their way to a more private spot behind a console. He spotted the container he'd set down on the console earlier.

"Oh, I nearly forgot!" John grabbed the container as Kaylee pulled him to the floor, and opened it to reveal red, juicy…

"Strawberries!" Kaylee was in Heaven. Well, a better neighborhood in Heaven.

"My favorite." John grinned. "Had them brought back from Earth…" He'd pulled a few strings and gotten them put in Asgard stasis to last the long trip back to Atlantis. He was planning on saving them for a special occasion, and figured seducing a pretty girl from 500 years in the future definitely qualified. If only he'd thought to request whipped cream as well…

John teased Kaylee's lips with a strawberry before letting her bite into the sweet berry and kissed her as the juice trickled down her chin. This nearly sent her over the edge, and heck, they weren't even naked yet… something she hoped to resolve shortly. John helped her wiggle out of the borrowed flight suit and she peeled off his black t-shirt, running her hands up his slim waist and over his soft chest hair. She unclipped his gun belt and holster and wasted no time unzipping his pants. _Ok, John Sheppard, show me what you've got…_

- - - - - - - - - - - -

In the Daedalus control room, Lindsey Novak twirled her pencil in a deep state of boredom. Most of the crew was taking time off in Atlantis or helping unload the cargo, but she was stuck here running engine diagnostics with her Asgard pal Hermiod, who was not exactly what you call a conversationalist.

A computer screen blipped. "I'm getting some anomalous readings coming from the engine room," announced Hermiod.

"Hm?"

"I'm detecting an increase in temperature and some unusual vibrations in the engine room." Hermy narrowed his eyes.

"What's the source?"

"Unknown. I am also detecting two lifesigns."

"Can you show me the security camera?" The image popped up on Novak's screen. "I don't see anything unusual…"

"I can give you audio."

Ohhh, John…ohh…ohhhhh… 

Novak's eyes widened and her mouth fell open.

Hermy cocked his head to the side. "That woman appears to be in distress. Should I lock onto her signal and beam her here?"

"Uhh..that, uh, might not be such a good idea," Novak stammered. "I'll go check it out myself."

"_serutaerc namuh egnarts,_" Hermy mumbled, and radioed Col. Caldwell.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Novak approached the engine room and entered cautiously, while clearing her throat loudly. She heard a quiet "Oh, crap" and some shuffling of bodies and clothing coming from behind one of the consoles. _Was that Col. Sheppard's voice? Oooh, boy._ Her mind was conflicted between extreme embarrassment and an overwhelming desire to take a peek.

"I just thought you'd like to know that Col. Caldwell is on his way down here and you might, uh, want to, uhh… you know… I'm gonna go now." She blushed and made a hasty retreat.

The interrupted couple scrambled to get dressed, trying not to get each other's articles of clothing mixed up. Kaylee tried to brush her tousled hair into place. Shep's hair… well, it always looked like he'd just had a roll in the hay. They were still tangled in clothes, and each other, when the door opened again.

"Who's in here?" Caldwell demanded.

Shep, still shirtless, peered over the top of the console_. This was not gonna be pleasant…_

"Sir, uh, we were just inspecting this console here…" He ducked back down to slip on his shirt and jacket, and the partners in crime both stood up.

Caldwell glared. "Col. Sheppard, who _is_ this woman?"

"She's an engineer, sir. I was just giving her a tour of the engine room…"

"I'm not even going to _ask_ what you were doing. What in the hell makes you think you can bring unauthorized personnel into restricted areas of my ship?"

"Sorry sir, won't happen again."

"It better not. Now both of you, _get the hell off my ship!_"

As Shep and Kaylee skulked towards the exit, they passed Dr. Novak. Shep leaned in and whispered "Thanks for being so –ahem- discreet, back there."

Novak grinned. "No problem. She's not the only one who likes engines."

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Caldwell frowned and walked into the engine room to see what mischief that unruly Colonel and his bimbo "engineer" had been causing. He walked over to the console and picked up a small container from the floor behind it. When he saw the strawberries inside a mischievous grin spread across his face. He tapped on his radio.

"Dr. Weir? Col. Caldwell on the Daedalus. There's something in the engine room you might want to see."

- - - - - - - - - - - -


	6. Problematics & Solutions

**AN: **We're meandering our way through both crews, so if you don't see someone for a while, just hold on; we promise that they'll be back! Specifically, we do feel bad that Zoe & Wash haven't made much of an appearance. We will get there!

**Firegate: The Big Damn Circle**

By Hah and Mer

- 5. Problematics and Solutions (or "Titles are Problematic") -

(Meanwhile, back in the infirmary)

"Well, Shepherd Book, it looks like you'll be as good as new in no time. Just give that leg some rest, and we'll keep that bandage changed." Serenity's handsome young doctor Simon Tam (cue drooling here) had insisted on caring for the Shepherd himself. It wasn't that he didn't trust their new hosts, it was just that … well, okay, maybe that was part of it. But, in his defense, when you've been running from people as long as he and River had, you were allowed a bit of paranoia.

"Thank you, Simon. I never knew bunnies could be so vicious, and I've seen a lot of strange things in my day." Shepherd Book gingerly swung his leg off the exam table and accepted the crutches the young man offered.

"Well, next time, you might want to try feeding the bunnies instead of poking them with sticks," Simon couldn't quite suppress the grin that he felt coming on. He knew that his job was to be objective, but the idea of this big man, who obviously knew a thing or two about defending himself, being attacked by a bunch of bunnies just cracked him up every time he thought about it.

"Glad to see you're recovering so well, Shepherd Book," Dr. Weir approached the two men. "Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to come down and see how you were doing."

"I was just getting out of here, Dr. Weir. The good doctor here has me all fixed up," the older man hobbled, hesitantly at first, then more confidently.

"Let me know if the pain gets too bad, and I'll give you something a bit stronger."

"Thanks, son, but I'll be fine." He patted Simon on the shoulder as he passed him and smiled at Elizabeth before making his way out of the infirmary, accompanied the guard assigned to help him find his room.

Simon walked over to the nearest sink to wash his hands and Elizabeth followed him over, enjoying the view as she watched him walk. He was a little young for her, but hey, she wasn't dead!

"So, Doctor Tam, what do you think of Atlantis so far?"

"Well, I have to admit, I haven't seen a whole lot, but this infirmary… it's been a while since I've been in a medical facility this well stocked. You're missing a lot of things that I'm used to seeing, though. I guess 500 years would do that."

Elizabeth smiled. "Yes, I guess it would." She tucked her hair behind her ear. "You know, Col. Sheppard took a group of your crewmates on a tour of the city. How would you like a … personal tour?"

His response was cut off by a call over the radio. It was Rodney, and he wasn't happy.

"Dr. Weir, that … _girl_ is down here, and she … she's wreaking havoc in my lab!"

"Rodney, calm down. Who exactly is down there?"

Elizabeth could practically see the cartoon light bulb go on over Simon's head.

"River!" He ran out the door of the infirmary to find his sister, then skidded to a halt and ran back into the infirmary, where Elizabeth was still standing with a mildly amused expression on her face.

"Er… how do I get to Dr. McKay's lab?"

(McKay's lab)

It had started out innocently enough. River had wandered in to the middle of the lab and stood there for a few moments, looking like she was listening for something that none of the rest of them could hear. Since McKay loooooved kids so much (AN: y'all catch the sarcasm here, right?), he figured that as long as she didn't bother anything, he wouldn't have to talk to her. Then she had to go and open her mouth…

"They were asleep, but they woke up," she started almost hesitantly.

He could feel his annoyance build at the sound of her voice. "Who do you mean?"

She continued as if he hadn't spoken, "They woke up too early. There wasn't enough. It was too early. They can't go on without more."

"What in the world are you talking about?"

She finally acknowledged his presence with a condescending smile and a shake of her head, "They're not in this world." She looked up and turned in a full circle. "But they were… not long ago… before the bright lights…before the city disappeared."

"Listen, kid…" he started toward her until she put her hand up and stopped him.

"No," her tone became more urgent. "They need to sleep. More will die if they don't go back to sleep. They just need some help," she strode over to the blackboard and erased the contents – a shield-strengthening theory he and his team had spent weeks putting together.

It was at this point he had called Dr. Weir. By the time she and Simon had reached the lab, River had managed to tie McKay to his chair and had pulled pieces from several machines and mixed several vials together.

Simon put his arm around his sister, "Meimei, it's time to go."

She turned and looked back at McKay, whom Weir was untying and ungagging. She rolled her eyes at her brother and sighed, "He just doesn't stop talking…" Elizabeth stifled a giggle, much to McKay's continued indignation.

Once ungagged, McKay continued his rant, "She's been talking about someone waking up and eating… You know your sister is certifiable, right!"

"I'm sorry for any inconvenience she may have caused. Dr. Beckett was examining her and then I was working on Shepherd Book… I'll try to keep a better eye on her. It's just that Atlantis is a lot bigger than Serenity." He turned his attention back to his younger sibling. "Are you hungry, River?" Simon put his hand on her shoulder and studied her face, trying to determine her level of lucidity. Her response was to look at him as if _he _was the one whose amygdala had been removed. He sighed, "Of course you're hungry. We haven't eaten since breakfast. Dr. Weir, how do we get to the mess from here?"

Dr. Weir accompanied the pair to the cafeteria, and Rodney set his attention to figuring out what she had broken. The more he read, the more his jaw unhinged.

He tapped his earpiece. "Dr. Weir, Dr. Beckett, this is Rodney. I have something I think you'll want to see."

(cafeteria)

River tilted her head quizzically at the plate in front of her, then turned the same expression on her brother, as if one or the other might be trying to harm her.

"It's okay, River," Simon tried to reassure her. "It's safe."

After giving brother and bowl one last suspicious look each, she picked up her a fork and speared the jiggly substance in the bowl. When she withdrew her fork, the substance slid back into the bowl. After a brief scowl, she used the edge of the fork to scoop a bite, but the gelatin slid right over the other edge of her fork.

"River, meimei, try the spoon," Simon encouraged her, extending the recommended utensil.

Obviously still skeptical, she accepted the spoon and, after a deep breath, made a third attempt, finally succeeding in keeping a bite on the spoon.

"This food is problematic," she lifted the spoon slowly up over her head and inspected the green from several angles before slowly sliding it into her mouth. She bit into it, then rolled it around in her mouth, keeping a dubious stare fixed on her brother. She grimaced as she swallowed.

"Zhe shi shenme?"

(Dr. McKay's lab)

Elizabeth and Carson arrived within a few seconds of each other. Rodney was practically bursting with excitement, pacing around his lab.

"Okay, the girl may be a stark raving loon, but I think she's on to something," he blurted before they could even get in the door. "Look at these calculations, they…"

"This is incredible!" Carson interrupted. "If this is what I think it is, this could change everything."

"Whoa whoa whoa," interjected Elizabeth. "What _is_ it?"

Rodney continued his explanation. "From what I can tell, this formula here is for a toxin that attacks only the iratus bug portion of wraith physiology."

Elizabeth was intrigued. "What do you mean? Like the retrovirus?"

"No, this is a toxin. We'll have to run some more tests to see what it actually does, but I believe that the intent here was a toxin which could be delivered to the wraith without hurting the human prisoners."

"So, let me get this straight," Elizabeth pondered out loud, "she just walked in here and put this up on the board? Did anyone even tell her about the wraith?"

"Well, obviously _someone_ did, or how would she have known?" Rodney barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes at Elizabeth's question.

"I don't think anyone did, Rodney," Carson finally spoke up. "She was in the infirmary more or less from the time she arrived in Atlantis to the time she came to your lab. I did a thorough examination of her while she was down with us. There's no way anyone would have had time to explain about the wraith – and definitely no way they could have explained anything about their genetics and physiology."

"So, what? You're saying she's a psychic or something?" If Rodney's sarcasm had been ice, it would've been thick enough to drive a zamboni over it.

Carson looked a bit uncomfortable. "There could be stranger ways to explain what goes on in that wee lass's head. Her brain scans showed abnormally high levels of activity…"

"…as one would expect in someone who, though she is obviously a LUNATIC, is also quite intelligent," Rodney butted in on Carson's thought.

"No, Rodney, that's not even half of it," Carson continued patiently, "The last time I saw this extent of brain activity was when… Chaya… was here."

"You mean to tell me that wacko is an Ancient?" Rodney was completely nonplussed.

"No, she's human, just like you & me. I talked to Dr. Tam, her brother, and he gave me some of her background, which confirmed my findings. She has had several brain surgeries, including one in which her amygdala – the part of the brain that allows you to filter your emotions – was removed. Apparently, she started having some… "abnormal" abilities after that."

It was Elizabeth's turn to interrupt, "What do you mean by "abnormal?"

Carson looked back and forth between Elizabeth and Rodney, as if trying to decide whether or not they could be trusted with the bizarre piece of information. "Basically, it appears that, according to Dr. Tam, wee River has some psychic abilities, but to what extent, he's not sure." Rodney started to interrupt, but Carson cut him off. "I know what you think about psychics and everything, but how else do you explain what she did in here this afternoon?"

"Oh, this ought to be good," McKay's tolerance was wearing ever thinner. "Did you even consider for a second that just _maybe _she accessed one of our computers along the way? Or are you suggesting that we just all start wearing tinfoil on our heads as a new security measure to keep her from finding all of our deep, dark secrets?"

Elizabeth shook her head at his exasperation. "Now, Rodney, whatever the explanation, she is our guest here, and is to be treated with respect and kindness." She cocked her head to one side as she contemplated her statement, then with a subtle smile added, "You know, to the extent that's possible for you."

"Ha ha, very funny," Rodney snarked. "Are you going to stand here and mock me, or are we going to get to work?"

Elizabeth shrugged, "Hey, I'm not a doctor or a scientist; I guess that means I'll just have to mock you."


	7. What's for Dessert?

**AN: **Thanks to everyone who has let us know that you're still enjoying our foray into insanity. This chapter has a bit more plot than we intended any of our chapters to have, but sometimes you just have to humor the bunnies (we wouldn't want to end up like Shepherd Book back in chapter one, would we? - at least not unless Simon was our doctor, of course).

**Firegate: The Big Damn Circle**

By Hah and Mer

- 6. What's for Dessert? -

Lt. Col. Sheppard rested his hands on his P-90 and surveyed the space around him. No matter how much time he spent in Atlantis, every once in a while, the absolute absurdity of his situation struck him. For example, right now, he was in standing in the Pegasus Galaxy, and not just that, in the Lost City of Atlantis, right above a portal created by an ancient race of technologically advanced humans which allowed interplanetary travel. On top of that, he was waiting for part of his team – two members of which were from the Pegasus galaxy, the other from Canada – and part of the crew of a ship that had come back in time 500 years, so they could go to another planet and fix said ship. Really, between that and his pick of the hot chicks in the City, his life was pretty much a fantasy. Well, except for that part where the Wraith were out to get him… and the Genii… and the Olesians. Oh, yes, and he would never forget the encounter with the iratus bug. You know, come to think of it, his life was really starting to sound like some bizarre sci-fi show.

The others drabbled into the shuttle bay, Serenity's crew still in awe over the size and beauty of their temporary refuge. Shep's eyes met Kaylee's and they both blushed a little bit, the events of the previous night still brightly blazed into both of their minds. They had somehow made it back to his room after being caught like teenagers in a school janitor's closet, and… well, let's just say Kaylee didn't have to worry about running out of batteries that night (AN: Serenity shout out!). The only damper on their night was when they'd quite literally run into Elizabeth (it's really hard to watch where you're going when your face is glued to someone else's). She kind of looked like someone had kicked her puppy. Shep almost invited her to join them, but Kaylee had grabbed his hand and given him "the eye," bringing him back to the moment. He had a feeling Elizabeth was going to make him pay for his "indiscretion" eventually, but right now he wasn't particularly concerned with those consequences.

Turning back to the present, Shep did a mental head count. Mal, Jayne, Wash, and Kaylee from the Serenity crew were all there, as were McKay and Ronon from his team. He turned to Mal, "Are we ready to go? Do we have everything we need?"

"I believe we do, Col. Sheppard," Mal nodded.

"Then let's load up." The crews filed on to the ship, and once everything was ready, Shep tapped on his earpiece, "Dr. Weir, Jumper One ready for launch."

"You have your go. Come home safely, Jumper One." The voice he heard seemed a bit strained, but maybe he was imagining things.

(control room)

_Smug son of a … Who does that Lt. Colonel Kirk think he is anyways! _Elizabeth slammed down her headset, then berated herself for her lack of self-control. Men could just be so frustrating sometimes. Last night, she had received a page from Col. Caldwell, and on the way, who would crash into her but her second-in-command, who was doing a darned good vacuum-cleaner impression with that girl mechanic from the Serenity. She knew she must've been pretty transparent, 'cause she saw his face change. She could've sworn he was getting ready to invite her to go with them. She didn't know which pushed her buttons more – that he was going to ask her, that he didn't ask her or that she wanted him to. Then that _tramp_ that he had known for a grand total of like two seconds, looked at him and grabbed his arm, and they were off again. And to top it all off, when she arrived on the Daedalus, Col. Caldwell tried to seduce her… in the engine room… with _strawberries!_ She had to give the man points for creativity, but it was _Caldwell_, for crying out loud. What did a woman have to do to get some _decent_ action around here? She thought back to her infirmary visit. Maybe Doctor Tam would appreciate some company.

Most people would probably be shocked and appalled to know what went on inside of Elizabeth Weir's brain. It was a defense mechanism, really. One of the curses of a brilliant mind was the ease with which she could become bored. You try sitting in negotiations for weeks on end with people who care about listening to each other as much as McKay enjoys talking about _other_ people's accomplishments. Early on, she had adapted a public speaking technique to suit her purpose. She had started by picturing the parties naked, but more often than not, the mental pictures were more disturbing than the actual dialog she was phasing out. At those times, her mind would wander elsewhere. Since they'd been in the Pegasus Galaxy, she usually found herself ravaging Col. Sheppard on the conference room table in these mind meanderings, but after last night's encounter, Dr. Tam might be a suitable substitute—or Captain Reynolds. Speaking of Capt. Reynolds, they never did have their one-on-one debriefing. With that very vivid thought in mind, she smiled and walked back to her office to tackle her paperwork.

(back at Serenity)

"So, it's not too often I sit in this seat," Wash observed from the co-pilot chair. "It's kind of… odd."

"Maybe on the way back, I'll let you take a crack at the pilot's seat. This is a pretty sweet ride. The Ancient technology does a lot of the work for you. Really, all you have to do is concentrate on keeping it smooth. I usually just think of something cheesy like picturing myself like a… like a leaf on the wind, for example."

"A leaf on the wind?" Wash looked at Shep as if the lieutenant colonel was a few leaves short of a tree. "What kind of crazy niushu is that?"

"Hey, don't knock it 'til you've tried it! It really works!" Wash remained unconvinced, but filed the information away for future use. AN: (Mer's note: hah is evil) (hah's note: Duh! You can lynch me later-after Mer gets done whipping me – just finish reading the chapter first!)

"My baobei! Did you miss me?" Wash exclaimed as they came within sight of the crashed ship. "So, do we have a game plan for this little shindig?"

Mal, who had been observing their progress, answered, "I figure Kaylee and Dr. McKay can work in the engine room; you and I can take some repairs around the rest of the boat; and Col. Sheppard, Jayne, & Ronon can keep watch outside, just in case we have any unexpected visitors."

Shep nodded, "That works for me. Rodney will want to take a look at the engine to see what happened – see if we can't find a way to get you back."

Upon their arrival, the groups split off into their separate assignments. Kaylee & McKay found the engine room in the same state of disarray which they had left it.

"Shensheng de gaowan. I'd nearly forgotten how much damage she'd done."

"Oh, this is great," McKay blustered. "How are we even supposed to find the pieces to put this back together?"

"Not to fret, Dr. McKay," the bubbly mechanic replied, starting toward the pile of pieces River had put together. "I know this engine better than Jayne knows his weapons. She'll be up and shiny in no time."

"Are you kidding!" Rodney let loose his frustration on the girl. "This isn't shiny! Nothing about this is anywhere NEAR shiny! It's dirty and grimy, and… and I could SWEAR a bug just crawled up my leg!"

Kaylee stared at him as if his head had just grown to a size appropriate for housing his ego, "Whatever, Dr. McCranky. Do you want to take a look at this?"

Rodney sighed in exasperation, "Of course, I do." He started examining the pile of parts, many of which had been fused together by the explosion. "Are you always this cheerful?"

"Well, yeah, I guess so." Kaylee looked thoughtful and continued her examination of the engine. "The way I see it, there are a lot of bad things that happen in the universe, and dwelling on 'em won't make anything any better. So, I just look for the bright side of things."

"And exactly _what _about this whole situation qualifies as the bright side?"

Kaylee blushed as she thought about the events of the previous night. She could think of several examples, but didn't figure that Dr. McKay was really the person to share them with. "Well," she sputtered, "I met … all of you," her voice became steadier as she spoke. "Plus, we were about ready to be captured by the Alliance, and they would've done all manners of terrible things to Simon and River, so really," she smiled brightly, "it all worked out for the best!"

Rodney rolled his eyes, then noticed that Kaylee was about to pull a piece of from the mass of parts in front of him. "DON'T TOUCH THAT!"

Kaylee jumped back. "What? What'd I do?"

"In order to figure out what it is that happened, I need everything JUST the way it was." He waved her away. "Why don't you go… do something else until I'm done here."

With a final "wtf is your problem?" look, she left to find something else to do while the newly christened "Dr. McCranky" finished his analysis. Oh, yeah, that name was definitely going to stick. Passing through the kitchen area, she decided to see if there was any food. Maybe John would like some - oh, yeah, and Mal, Wash, Jayne, and Ronon, too. She put together a tray of tea and biscuits and meandered outside to share the spoils. First, she came across Ronon and Jayne, who were, of course, discussing their weapons and their favorite stories about using them.

"Would you like some tea?"

Ronon's super-sensitive ears suddenly tingled. There was something about her voice, but he just couldn't place it. He cocked his head to the side and stared at her. "You know, there's something really familiar about you. I just can't figure out what it is."

"Hm… Well, I'm pretty sure I've never been to the Pegasus Galaxy, and I've definitely never gone back in time before."

He gave her one last suspicious glance, then shrugged and went back to his watch.

"Jayne?" she offered him the tray. "Do you want something?"

If Ronon was suspicious of Kaylee, Jayne had already convicted her & found her guilty. "What the guay are you doin', Kaylee?"

"Nothin'," she shrugged, "I just had a few minutes, so I thought I'd bring out some treats."

After managing to convince Jayne of her pure motives, she sought out John, kinda hoping that they might misbehave a little. She found him easily and, after a quick refreshment, she convinced him of her very _impure_ motives. Just when things were starting to go WELL, however, they heard a rustling in the foliage.

"Who's there?" John grabbed for his vest and weapon from where he & Kaylee had started their clothing discard pile, a bit embarrassed that he had almost literally been caught with his pants down. Kaylee backed behind him, grabbing her clothes and hurriedly scrambling into them.

"This is Lt. Col. John Sheppard of the United States Air Force. Show yourself or I'll be forced to shoot."

Both Kaylee and John did double takes as River Tam stepped out from the trees. To be caught by a stranger was one thing, but to be caught by River, who was unpredictable at best, was an entirely different matter. And there was the matter of …

"River, meimei, how did you get here?" Kaylee, now fully clothed, asked.

"I took a ride." River smiled as she approached the pair. She turned her attention to Shep and pointed below his slanty belt. "They're going to get cold if you leave the door open like that."

Shep blushed and fixed his zipper, the final evidence of their fooling around, then turned to Kaylee attempting to put his professional face back on. "Take her inside the ship. Since she's here, maybe she'll be able to help McKay figure out how the time travel happened."

Smoothing her hair back, Kaylee took River's arm and turned towards the door, but before they made it to the door, River stopped and crouched down with her hands clamped over her ears.

"They're awake. Our nightmares!"

"Who's awake, meimei?" Kaylee tried to calm her with a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

River's head snapped up and she stared into John's eyes before whispering, "The wraith!" Instantly, she began sobbing.

"River, what about the wraith?" he asked, completely confused. He would never understand women, he was absolutely sure of it.

"They're coming! It's too late!" River refused to be consoled. She sprang up and lunged at Shep, shoving him backwards with her open hand on his chest. "_They're here_!"

John licked his lips nervously (AN: drool), then looked at Kaylee uncertainly. "Is she for real?"

Kaylee's eyes darted from Shep, who was still too stunned to do anything about the girl attached to him, and River, of whom she was incredibly jealous (although admittedly, she would've preferred the shirt off and kept the pose in mind for the next time they were alone together). "Yes, John, I believe she is. She _does_ have a funny way of knowing things that ain't happened yet."

Shep tapped on his radio, "We have wraith incoming, I need everyone inside now!" He practically pushed the two girls into the ship and collided with Wash and Mal, who were on their way out. "Didn't you hear what I just said? Get back inside _now_!"

"With all due respect, Col. Sheppard, we're not your crew, and we don't have to obey your orders. This ship is all I have. If these wraith are as awful as you say they are, we should fight them – try and defend ourselves. That's what I intend to do - defend my ship and my crew," Mal finished matter of factly.

"You don't understand. The wraith, they can beam you into their ships where they'll keep you until they're ready to feed on you… You know what, never mind, I have to get these girls inside. Do what you want." He muttered something about the questionability of certain aspects of their genetic lineage as he continued to corral the two girls toward McKay in the engine room.

"McKay, I need you to keep an eye on these two. _Don't_ let them out of your sight. Keep working on that engine." He tapped his radio again. "Ronon, I need for you to try and get to the jumper and get it cloaked." He gave a quick nod as he received Ronon's affirmative response.

Frustrated at the situation, Shep ran his fingers through his hair, causing it to be more sticky-uppy than normal. "Okay, McKay, I'm going to go try and keep those idiots from getting themselves, and us, killed. Don't let these two out of your sight!"

"Wait!" McKay hurried over to Shep and spoke in a low tone, "How did Psycho Chick get here?"

"I don't know," Shep replied in a low, obviously annoyed voice, "but that's not your concern. Your concern is to make sure they're still here when I get back. Do you understand?"

Rodney practically pouted, "Yes, Colonel."

(outside)

By the time John reached Mal, Jayne, and Wash, the darts had already started buzzing the firefly and the bullets were flying.

"Watch out for the…" He was interrupted by the sound of the wraith beam sucking up the three men.

"Aw, crap," he muttered as he became its next victim.

(inside)

"Col. Sheppard? Col. Sheppard, are you there?" Rodney tried his team leader on the radio, but got no answer. He tried again. "Sheppard?" Still no reply. Turning to the girls, he barked, "Stay here. I'm going to go see what's going on. Just… just … don't _touch_ anything!"

Once Rodney was gone, River turned to Kaylee, "They're gone, you know. Two scoops! Tasty dessert."

"You know we can't just stay here, right?" Kaylee received an eye roll in response. "Good, let's go."

Ditching the engine room, the pair reached the bay door just in time to see McKay disappear into the beam.

"They came back for the banana," River deadpanned. Kaylee grabbed River's hand and ran out to try and figure out what had happened. As a beam headed their direction, River stopped suddenly, causing Kaylee to turn around.

"Don't worry, Kaylee, the beam doesn't kill you. They prefer their food alive and screaming."

"Shiny."


	8. Don't Feed the Animals

Title: Firegate: The Big Damn Circle  
Authors: Hah and Mer  
Genre: General, Action/Adventure, Parody, Crossover, Romance  
Warnings: More misbehaving, cheap rip-offs and misadventures  
Season/Spoilers: SGA: Up to Runner, season two; Firefly: all  
Summary: The crew of Serenity finds itself in Atlantis. Wacky hijinx ensue.  
Disclaimer: We don't own Firefly… or Stargate: Atlantis… or Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy… or… well, you get the picture.

Firegate: The Big Damn Circle  
By Hah and Mer

- 7. Don't Feed the Animals -

"So, that was different," Mal gingerly stretched and surveyed the cell in which they were confined.

Shep ran his fingers through his hair in disgust. "For me, not so much."

"Where the guay are we?" Jayne, dusted himself off and wandered towards the rest of the crew.

John let out a visible sigh. "We are in a Wraith HIVE SHIP! What the _hell _were you thinking! I told you to go back to the ship!"

Jayne stood up and invaded Sheppard's personal space. "No one asked you to follow us."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I was trying to save your asses!"

Mal stepped in. "Hey! Settle down. I think we can all agree that we've found ourselves in a bit of a bind."

Shep nodded and stepped back, putting some much-needed distance between himself and Jayne. i When was the last time he brushed his teeth/i He blinked his eyes, as if the rapid movement could somehow erase the stench. Mind finally clear, he picked up where Mal left off, "We need to act quickly here. The …"

They were interrupted by the sound of heavy footsteps. Three Wraith soldiers approached.

"Ta shi suoyou diyu de biaozi de ma! Somebody beat those guys with the ugly stick!" As reward for his observation, Jayne earned a sharp elbow in the side from Kaylee. "Ow!"

The doors to the cell parted like a curtain, disappearing into the walls. Jayne had the bright idea to charge one of the soldiers, but was tossed effortlessly on his pigu by said soldier.

The Wraith who appeared to be the leader scanned the crowd, pausing when he came to Sheppard, McKay, and Ronon. "You three have been here before."

"Yeah, well, we're working on our frequent stay reward points," Sheppard replied calmly, causing Kaylee to go all doe-eyed.

The Wraith was not quite so impressed. He grabbed Sheppard's arm and shoved him towards the open cell door, with the other two guards close behind.

As the four made their way towards Sheppard's certain doom, the rest of the group heard him mutter, "Here we go again..."

Once the Wraith were out of ear shot, McKay's optimistic side burst through (as it generally does in these situations). "Oh, now this is great, this is just great!"

"Wait just a gorram minute," Mal interrupted the tirade before the whining further disturbed his calm. "Now is not the time to panic."

"Don't panic? You're telling me not to panic?" Rodney scoffed. "I assume next you'll be asking me where my towel is." Noticing the confusion on the faces of his cellmates, he continued, "Towel... Hitchhiker's...right... aliens and people from another time. Anyways, what's important is that it is very MUCH time to panic."

"You know, I've had about enough of your whining." This time Jayne cut him off by grabbing his jacket and delivering him to the nearest wall, much to Ronon's amusement (AN: and mine, too). After a brief moment, Jayne let go of Rodney, and looked back towards the door. "They don't look so tough to me."

Ronon's amusement quickly turned to indignation. "Yeah, well, try to fend them off with just your bare hands when they have stunners and trackers, and THEN see how tough you are."

Never one to resist a snark battle, McKay chimed in, "Good thing you didn't have to rely on your wits, or you wouldn't be standing here."

Ronon's spun around to stare down the egomaniacal genius. "Keep that up and _you_ won't be standing here, McKay."

Fists, elbows, and Rodney's girlie screams started flying, while Mal tried to at least rescue the scientist from the testosterone web he'd managed to catch himself in.

"Hey! Wait!" Kaylee threw herself into the fray. "River's out!" The scuffle came to an abrupt stop - aside from Ronon & Jayne, neither of whom could stand to let the other have the last blow, and instead were exchanging quiet blows to each other's biceps.

"What are you guys, six years old or something?" Rodney (obviously not having learned his lesson) turned to where River was standing outside the cell. "What are you doing out there?"

"More importantly _how_ did you get out there?" Mal walked cautiously over to the cell door, trying to figure out the secret to River's escape.

When River remained silent, Kaylee joined Mal. "River, meimei, we need to know how to get out, so we can go help Col. Sheppard."

River appeared thoughtful. "It's quite simple to thread a needle with a single string."

"Of course! She must have squeezed through the holes!" Kaylee and River shared a wide grin.

"You understood that?" Jayne was completely baffled by the entire situation.

"You didn't?" Kaylee replied coolly. When the men all looked at each other cluelessly, she and River shared a deep sigh. "Men," River said, shaking her head slowly.

Having been in Wraith custody several times, Rodney was more than a little perturbed that this scrawny teenager had once again outsmarted him. "Well, of _course_, why didn't _we_ think of just jumping through the bars?"

"Maybe because you couldn't even fit your ego through those bars?" Jayne had still had enough of this ben tiansheng de yi dui rou and was itching to bring him down a notch or five.

"Listen, Hercules..."

"Wait a minute," despite the fact that he was ready to let Jayne beat the crap out of Rodney, Mal knew that the scientist would probably be needed later, so he stepped between the two men before the smaller man was no longer identifiable. "Let's not do anything hasty here. Is there any way that River can let us out now that she's on the other side of the door?"

Rodney's eyes lit up. "Yes! River, see that panel over there? Go over to that panel and push... River..." River seemed to be listening to something far away, but she was definitely not paying any attention to Rodney. "Oh, come ON! Throw us a bone here!"

River suddenly looked at him, sighed and rolled her eyes. "I don't feed wild animals."

Kaylee stifled a giggle as River disappeared down the hall.

Rodney broke the silence. "Anybody got a knife?"

"Yeah, that was i way /i too much insight into the male mind," Laura Cadman concluded her very animated recollection of her time in Rodney's mind.

Zoe laughed, "You know, in all my time as a married woman, I've discovered that ignorance is sometimes the better choice."

Elizabeth had arranged a luncheon with the Serenity women and several of the women from the Atlantis expedition, partly to encourage bonding between the two crews and partly to get more information on the current object of her lust and any competition.

Inara chimed in, "Thankfully, their simplicity makes my job easier." Giggles spread around the table.

"You must have some good stories, Madame Ambassador," Elizabeth baited the younger woman, lifting a teasing eyebrow. "Care to kiss and tell?" When Inara shook her head to refuse, Elizabeth prodded further, "Come on, it's just us girls here, and most of us don't even come from your _time_. Zoe won't tell, will you, Zoe?"

Zoe lifted her hands in mock surrender. "Far be it from me to get in the way of a good story!"

The rest of the girls joined in the begging for some good ol' fashion sex stories. Inara stood her ground and finally Laura piped up with, "How about we play 'Who'd you rather?'"

"Who would you rather what?" Teyla asked. In her time with the group from Earth, she had participated in several of their "bonding games," but this wasn't one of them.

Katie Brown filled her in. "Sleep with. The rules of the game are this: someone asks 'who'd you rather?' and names two people, and you have to say whom you would choose and why."

Elizabeth put her hands on the table and leaned forward and raised her eyebrows. "So who wants to go first?"

"Inara should have to go first," Zoe volunteered, receiving a glare Inara generally reserved for Mal. "Well, you wouldn't tell the story..."

Inara sighed, "Okay, who's going to ask?"

Elizabeth jumped in, "Colonel Sheppard or Captain Reynolds?"

Inara fought back a blush before Zoe could pick up on it and tried to think strictly from a professional standpoint. "I'd have to say Colonel Sheppard. I saw Kaylee this morning, and she looked very happy. Mal, on the other hand... Well, the last woman he had relations with died the next day, and that was some time ago. I'm not sure I would trust him to remember how everything worked." She paused and grinned mischievously. "On the other hand, sometimes it _is_ fun to do the teaching."

Cadman piped up, "Okay, Inara, it's your turn to pick a person and ask them."

Inara scanned the group methodically. "Teyla, you've spent quite a bit of time with both Jayne and Ronon. Which of them do you think you would prefer?"

Teyla lowered her eyes briefly, and for a moment, the group wondered if she had decided not to answer the question. "I have experienced both men." The jaws of her tablemates dropped at this admission. Teyla tilted her head thoughtfully. "While both were quite enjoyable, if forced to choose, I believe I would select Ronon. He has more... stamina."

As another wave of giggles passed over the table, Elizabeth spoke up, "Speaking of stamina, or lack thereof, that reminds me, I'm almost out of batteries for my..." Elizabeth looked across the room and saw a distraught-looking Simon quickly approaching, "...for my radio."

"If it is your radio in which you are using your batteries, I have never heard of a radio ... used... in such a manner. I would think that it would be difficult to hear from there," Teyla, whose back was to Simon, replied confused. The other women chuckled under their breath as Simon cleared his throat.

"Have any of you seen River, my sister?"

The mood of the table sobered quickly. "No, Dr. Tam, I'm sorry. Have you checked Dr. McKay's lab and the infirmary?" Dr. Weir suggested, remembering the girl's fascination with the two locales and thinking that even brotherly concern looked hot on him.

Simon took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes, Dr. Weir. She's nowhere to be found."

Elizabeth stood and walked over to put a hand on his shoulder, her thumb tracing back and forth over the soft fabric of his shirt. "She has to be here somewhere. I'll contact security, have them look for her, and we'll send out teams to search for her. It's a big city, Simon, there are lots of places for her to explore. In fact, if you give me a moment, we can explore together, if you'd like," she concluded, thinking of a few secluded areas of the city that no one else knew about where she might take the young doctor to embark on their own expedition.

Simon placed a hand over Elizabeth's, causing secret smiles to pass between several of the women. "Thanks for your help, Elizabeth."

"You're welcome. Anytime you need _anything_, all you have to do is ask." Cadman almost giggled out loud, but managed to disguise her amusement under a cough.

As Elizabeth called Lorne about finding River, the rest of the group stood and disbursed to join the search. Inara hung back until Elizabeth had finished her coordinating, and then approached her discreetly.

"About that problem you mentioned earlier, I may be able to hook you up." Remembering Inara's occupation, Elizabeth was both apprehensive and intrigued. After all, who would know better than a professional how to remedy her problem. "Kaylee's got a great set of..."

"Wait! No, that's okay! While that sounds very ... interesting... I really prefer men."

Inara laughed out loud. "She has _batteries _Elizabeth," Inara giggled at the mixture of embarrasment and relief that washed over the other woman's face. "While I'm sure that Kaylee would be more than up to the task, I don't make arrangements for crew members."

Elizabeth continued her struggle to compose herself. "Of course. Speaking of crew, I wonder how the repairs to Serenity are coming."


End file.
